Evidence That My Cat is Not Batman

May 3, 2010

by Jeremy Clymer

There has recently been some confusion as to whether or not my cat, Ashes, is in fact Batman.  I am here to set the record straight.  He is not Batman, and here are some reasons why:

  • Batman has opposable thumbs.  My cat does not.
  • Batman will not cuddle in your lap.  My cat will.
  • The phrase “cat and mouse” is more often than not only used figuratively in reference to Batman.
  • Batman fights crime at night and poses as an international millionaire playboy by day.  My cat sleeps at night and sleeps during the day.
  • Batman’s arch-nemesis is the Joker.  My cat’s arch-nemesis is our other cat, Chica.
  • My cat eats kibble.  Batman, by all accounts, eats people food.
  • Batman has one servant:  Alfred.  My cat has three servants:  me, my wife and my daughter.
  • Batman roams the streets of Gotham City.  My cat roams the living room and sometimes the backyard.
  • To summon Batman, you turn on the Bat Signal.  To summon my cat, you shake a bag of catnip and make kissy noises.
  • My cat once suffered a severe urinary tract infection.  Batman maintains above-average urinary health.
  • Batman wears bulletproof body armor.  My cat wears a flea collar.
  • Batman has the Batarang, Batmobile, Batplane and Batcave.  My cat has a bit of string he likes to bat around.
  • My cat once killed a mouse.  Batman does not kill.

Jeremy Clymer lives in Michigan , where he is a part-time freelance writer and full-time system administrator.  He writes regularly about pop culture for Break Studios and has had a short story included in the ShadowCast Audio Anthology podcast. Read his blog at http://eggytoast.wordpress.com/

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21 Responses to Evidence That My Cat is Not Batman

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