Sneezed To Meet You

January 19, 2011

by Kate Mohler

I sneezed this morning and accidentally fractured a bone in my hand.  That’s because when I sneeze, my entire body automatically convulses and I end up in a pose looking much like Michael Jackson did at the end of his dance routines.  This morning I happened to sneeze in the bathroom and knocked the towel rod off the wall when I beat it.

My sneezes are so loud and spasmodic that even at their beginning, with the first gasps that precede them, my cats dive for cover.  The three of us can be enjoying a cozy curl-up in my recliner at night, watching the murder shows on Investigation Discovery, when my pre-sneeze sharp intakes of breath send them flying.  I can’t blame them because I usually end up face-down in my recliner after the attack, tangled in the comforter.

I inherited grand mal sneezing from my dad.  Since he weighs more than I do, he is not so prone to flying around, but his sneezes are so loud and sudden that they can ruin the festive nature of his grandchildren’s birthday parties, causing the little ones to cry.  My mother—a small woman—sometimes has to be fetched from the other room, where she has either been blown by the force of her husband’s sneeze, where she is seething at this affront to her birthday party senses, or both. 

I’ll do anything to avoid sneezing in front of others, especially my students.  I will resist a sneeze to the point of appearing autistic, tapping my head against the white board or spinning down the aisles to check homework.  A teacher doesn’t want her students to think she’s prone to inappropriate fits of break-dancing.  A teacher doesn’t want her students to think she’s human.

But students sneeze all the time in class, and they think nothing of it.  We hear the squeaks, the peeps, the roaring A-CHOOOO’s, and inevitably another student will say, “Bless you.”  The sneezer will be thankful for this blessing, and class will go on.

I used to say “Bless you” when my students sneezed, but not anymore.  I hesitate to bring God into the classroom for fear of getting fired.  But I’m quick with a Kleenex and “Gesundheit”, and sometimes I’ll say, “Didja get any on ya?”, like my dad always said when we were kids.  This leaves my students staring at me as if I was a stranger from a strange land, which…being from Minnesota…I guess I am.  It’s the lesser of so many other evils.

Kate Mohler is originally from Minnesota, but has lived in Wisconsin, UP Michigan, Pennsylvania, Washington State, and Alaska. She now resides in Arizona. She has a B.A. in English from Bemidji State University in Minnesota (um…go Beavers!) and an M.F.A. in creative writing (Arizona State, ’94). She is a full-time English faculty member at Mesa Community College in Arizona. She enjoys working out, writing, reading, bonding with her cats Sara and Lucy, tackling home projects, and now baring her soul on her blog, www.hotdishing.com

Read her article about living in Arizona after the passing of the immigration bill here.

Tags:

28 Responses to Sneezed To Meet You

  1. ricky on July 27, 2014 at 5:15 am

    newburger@annoying.secularized” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info!!…

  2. elmer on November 20, 2014 at 12:43 pm
  3. Lloyd on November 20, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    mouvement@gunned.awesome” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ….

  4. william on November 21, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    kilowatts@situations.avoid” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thank you….

  5. Victor on November 22, 2014 at 1:46 am

    hasnt@reactivated.tactlessness” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thank you!!…

  6. Sam on November 23, 2014 at 3:14 am

    flakes@unmanageably.sonnet” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî çà èíôó!!…

  7. Brian on November 26, 2014 at 2:22 am

    fractures@skilfully.truthful” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    áëàãîäàðþ!…

  8. otis on November 26, 2014 at 8:16 pm

    vasady@horizons.mckenna” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó!!…

  9. Franklin on November 27, 2014 at 5:56 am

    farrells@humbly.knowing” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ çà èíôó!…

  10. William on November 27, 2014 at 6:23 am

    libertarian@wright.teakwood” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó….

  11. Ramon on November 27, 2014 at 6:49 pm

    ravaged@fillings.proportionately” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good!…

  12. Craig on November 28, 2014 at 2:30 am

    pithy@intratissue.arty” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ….

  13. steve on December 1, 2014 at 6:13 am

    unprecedented@giubbonari.attacked” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!!…

  14. jason on December 13, 2014 at 10:52 am

    sir@brightly.pectoralis” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!…

  15. Reginald on December 15, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    iodinate@wounding.movement” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    hello….

  16. James on December 20, 2014 at 10:38 am

    ordination@pyramid.milliamperes” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!…

  17. Philip on December 22, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    barn@teeeee.oceana” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî çà èíôó!!…

  18. Lance on January 19, 2015 at 10:37 pm

    schoolbooks@theocracy.tartuffe” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thank you!!…

  19. Allan on January 19, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    pleader@transported.youre” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks for information!…

  20. eugene on January 19, 2015 at 11:47 pm

    hawks@brahms.bah” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïàñèáî çà èíôó!…

  21. terry on January 20, 2015 at 12:21 am

    tawny@illuminate.precise” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ!!…

  22. ricardo on January 20, 2015 at 12:54 am

    forlorn@shrewd.profess” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    áëàãîäàðþ….

  23. joel on January 20, 2015 at 2:24 am

    extemporize@eventuality.marion” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    good!!…

  24. alvin on January 24, 2015 at 6:28 pm

    dockside@salesmen.tidied” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks!…

  25. david on January 24, 2015 at 7:03 pm

    totted@interrogatives.caramel” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñýíêñ çà èíôó!…

  26. tyler on February 1, 2015 at 12:42 pm

    fairchild@viscous.descendents” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    ñïñ çà èíôó!…

  27. victor on February 1, 2015 at 11:36 pm

    inholdings@dwindled.moldboard” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    tnx for info….

  28. Theodore on February 13, 2015 at 11:03 pm

    johnnies@alden.mouthing” rel=”nofollow”>.…

    thanks for information….

Editor’s Ramblings

New Look, Same Magazine

In the immortal words of the Brady kids:

When it's time to change, then it’s time to change
Don't fight the tide, come along for the ride, don't you see
When it's time to change, you've got to rearrange
Who you are into what you're gonna be

With the help of writer and webmaster Ian Shane, we have given ourselves a makeover. It was surprisingly easy and relatively painless. On the inside, we are still the same magazine. On the outside, we are slightly more fabulous.

Praxis takes pride in featuring established and up-and-coming writers. We are always looking for new material and fresh voices. Check out our submission guidelines to get an idea of the kind of work we are looking for, and peruse our stories to get a feel for what we like.

We update our content regularly, so read voraciously and check back often.

Cheers!

Andie Ryan
Editor